For some reason, I am really good at not writing in my blog until I feel sorry for myself and need a place to vent or cry.

I lost my twin sister on March 7. You can read her obituary here.  I have felt like I have been hit by a truck. It has been difficult, confusing, relieving, devastating, and sad. I have felt so sad. It’s a sadness that feels impossible to describe.

It’s funny because since Kristi and I have been living apart for so long, I mention to people that I am a twin and they get all excited. They ask the typical questions:

“You ARE?! I didn’t know you’re a TWIN!”

“Are you two alike?”

“Are you identical or…?”

“Where does she live?”

I don’t know how this conversation is going to go now moving forward without her. I want to make a pin to wear everywhere I go that says, “I have a twin sister. We are nothing alike. We also don’t look anything like each other. She died from a heroin overdose. And now I am learning how to live my life without her for the first time since I’ve existed on this earth.”

It’s also our birthday tomorrow. We always made special efforts to travel so we could spend our birthdays together. I think we only missed two or three. I was reminded that our birthday was coming up because I had an embarrassing breakdown at Sephora as I was checking out.

The check out girl insisted to look up my email to see if I was on their mailing list. She found my information and said, “Oh your birthday is coming up!! Happy birthday! Do you have anything fun planned?!”

I started bawling. Right there. In public as I was trying to pay and get out. She asked me what was wrong and I told her. It was awkward. I think she threw in a couple of extra samples for me and I went on my way to go home. Except I didn’t go home because my (Tommy and Shantay’s) car wouldn’t start. That’s another story.

Happy Birthday, Kristi. I love you.