1. Yesterday, I was doing laundry and realized that we were almost out of laundry soap. Then I actually started to wonder why laundry soap was so expensive. Then I started thinking about how money is a totally different thing to me now that we have a baby. It’s hard to not have enough money. It sucks.

Then my sister Holly showed up because she was driving through to Provo from Vegas. Her entire car was filled with groceries for us. Diapers, expensive healthy food I only dream about, and LAUNDRY SOAP. She is currently in the process moving her family of six to a new house and she stopped in the middle of her own chaos and thought of me. I will never forget how much that meant to me.

2. Tonight after putting the baby down to sleep, I went to my favorite hill in Cedar City and ran up and down that thing like a mad woman. The air was fresh and the sky was covered in clouds and colors. Being alone is good for me. Especially when I am drenched in sweat and outside. I am grateful Eric was home tonight so I could get out and be alone.

3. A friend posted a talk given by Elder Holland back in 1999, “Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence.” Read it. It might save you tonight if you feel a little defeated. It sure saved me.

4. Tonight after feeding Lewis, he was gazing at the light in his view. Usually, he does that, then gets distracted and chews on his hands or something. He didn’t do that tonight. He looked up at me in my eyes, smiled, and we both started laughing together. He would make a noise, then I would repeat it. Then we would both laugh. This lasted about five minutes. I think those five minutes were my favorite five minutes since becoming a mom.

In that moment, I felt pure joy. Joy that doesn’t come from buying a new shirt, or having awesome running shoes. This joy came straight from Heavenly Father. Lewis’s smile is a constant reminder to me that Heavenly Father loves me and is aware of my imperfections, fears, and worries. He is also aware that I am trying every day to be a little better.

These four moments are tender mercies to me during a difficult time. A time when I am trying to learn to be a good mom and a supportive and kind wife.. I have a bigger purpose than just cleaning up spit up, changing poopy diapers, and keeping up with the laundry (or not keeping up with the laundry). I need to be better at recognizing these glimpses of light and in turn, showing Heavenly Father my gratitude by serving Him through helping others.IMG_3873 IMG_3900