Dear Kristi,

The first year of your life was the last year of Aunt Kristi’s. She’s my twin sister. She died from a heroin overdose, but she was so much more than that. She was smart. Witty. Sensitive. Funny. And overly concerned for others. I’m sad that you didn’t come sooner because I wish you could have gotten to know her a little better. However, I am also so grateful you came when you did. You have saved me.

I miss her. I know she is with our Heavenly Father. I know He scooped her up out of a very dark, scary, crappy world she was living in. I know she is with Grandpa Ron and Grandma Jewel. She was lost and has been for a couple of years. She didn’t quite know how special she was. We all tried to save her and help her. No one and nothing could help her except herself.

She taught me a lot of things that I hope to teach you. She taught me to make efforts and reach out to others when it’s the last thing I feel like doing. She taught me that those times when I start feeling sorry for myself, are the times when I need to find someone else to feel sorry for and to find ways to help them. She taught me to not be afraid of acting silly or getting embarrassed. She taught me to not care so much about how I look or if my makeup is perfect. She taught me to be a loyal friend to those closest to me. She taught me to have fun and find things that will make me laugh. She taught me to listen to music loud in the car.

The last time we were with her, you were really small. Almost seven months old. You were in a funny stage where you didn’t like strangers and wanted me around all the time. You weren’t like that with Kristi. She got you up from naps, changed you, watched silly YouTube videos with you, and played with you. She made you laugh and you loved being around her. I’m so happy you met her. I know that I won’t be able to raise you and your future siblings without talking about her.

When we were living in Oklahoma, she would call and text me all the time for me to send her videos and pictures of you. She thought you looked exactly like Grandpa Ron did when he was your age. I loved our time in Oklahoma. But I wish I could have been physically closer to Kristi. I didn’t know she was struggling as bad as she was. I didn’t know that our short time we spent with her in October of 2015 was the last time we would have with her.

Lewis, I love Kristi. And I love you. And I know that Heavenly Father brought you here when He did so that you could help me remember what is most important when I am sad and miss Kristi. Our time here on earth is short and our purpose is to learn how to be happy; especially during the times when we don’t feel like being happy or even feel like we deserve happiness. One thing I learned when Grandpa Ron passed away, and again when Aunt Kristi died is to not take your family for granted. Grandma KK and Grandpa Ron made a choice to get married in the temple a long time ago. They did and because of their commitment and promise they made that day, they were sealed for time and eternity. That sealing automatically bound my siblings and I as a forever family. Because of these decisions made by grandma and grandpa, I will see Kristi again, and so will you.

She is with you. She will help you in ways she wouldn’t have been able to had she still been alive on this earth. She will also help me.

Your dad and I also decided to get married in the temple. Because of that, we will be a family forever and will not get separated if anyone of us dies. Death isn’t scary, it’s just hard because you miss the person so much. But knowing these gospel truths makes the pain a little more bearable and much more significant.

Don’t be afraid to share your testimony. Don’t be embarrassed to live the Gospel and to love your Savior. Right now, I am having a hard time getting out of bed and taking care of our family because I keep thinking about how much I miss Aunt Kristi. But I will keep getting out of bed and I will keep playing with you and reading to you and keeping you healthy and safe. You remind me every day that I have a bigger purpose than just living my life for me. Thank you for being a light during a dark and cloudy time as I learn to keep moving forward without Aunt Kristi.

Kristi’s headstone says, “…and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.” The perfect day is when we will all be together again.

I love you, Lewbugs.

Love,

Mom